Saturday, May 29th
Let's face it... no one ever accused me of being a good friend. I never did anything for anyone that didn't directly benefit me and I rarely saw anyone outside of the bar environment. It occurred to me after receiving my second DUI that I didn't even have one telephone number of a "friend" from any bar that we frequented. It wasn't long before I had this epiphone that no one was missing me from the bar and had no way to find me if they were.
When I stopped drinking I wondered what kind of person I was going to be. "How much fun can I be if I'm not drinking?" In fact, I often told others around me that very thing; "Why would we want to hang out with you if you don't drink. Clearly you can't have as much fun as we do when we are tipsy and you are just watching from the sidelines." Yeah... I said that out loud and am mortified at the brazen conceit I had even when sober; to think I was so much better (and more fun) than others simply because I drank everywhere I went. Who was I kidding? I wasn't the "friend". I was the DJs wife that bought rounds for people if you hung around long enough. People didn't flock to me as I once thought....but to my pocketbook.
No. No one accused me of being a good friend and I realized, with all of my newly created free time, that I couldn't remember the last time I had a friend. In high school I ran cross country and track and had a few people I hung out with from the teams, but no real friends. I graduated high school early and went to college; joined a couple of clubs hoping to make friends but because I was younger than most of the freshman, and no matter what I did people didn't want to hang out with the "kid." Even though I graduated high school early, I still went back in June to walk across stage with my classmates. Mom paid for the Grad Night package and I went to Disneyland with 300 of my closest "friends." There were different cliques but I didn't have one that I belonged to so I would walk and ride the rides with one group and feel awkward after a while and drift into another one...floating from one clique to another and "clicking" with none. They knew me; I knew them because I grew up in a small town and we had gone to school together forever but I don't have one memory of a friendship to rekindle via Facebook some 25years later. Sure... there are a number of people that remember me and have added me as a "Friend" but after the initial catching up, we learn we have nothing in common and the pleasantries continue by checking in once in a while.
When I went into the Army I was quite the popular girl but not with other girls my age; seemingly all competing for the same attention in between doing our jobs for our country. We stuck to ourselves during the week and on weekends it was all about finding the guy to rescue us and making longlasting friends with each other was not on the list of priorities. No friends to reconnect with after high school, college, or the military. I was great with names and faces and could easily remember many but it was doubtful that most would remember me or entertain the idea of reconnecting for more than a ten minute "catch up" conversation online.
It's not easy to admit that I wasn't capable of friendship or even had it to offer. I even tried to befriend a coworker once and even though we tried to hang out outside of work, there was something lacking. I can't remember the exact circumstance but she told me in our last conversation, peering over a 3ft cubicle wall..."You are a very hard person to get along with and I doubt you will ever find a woman willing to work to be your friend." Wow... I wish I could remember what drove her to say something so spiteful but in hindsight; I guess the specifics don't matter and the fact that she said it was pivotal enough. I was better just being the DJs wife and being the life of the party in a bar and not trying to pretend to be a friend in the "real world." The sad thing.... either it didn't bother me that my friendships were topical and "bar only" or I just gave up and told myself that the life I had was all there was for me.
But then.... a funny thing happened on the way to "real life." I got a DUI. What once seemed the most horrible of incidences has become a turning point to the life I know Christ has always wanted for me; one I didn't feel I deserved and would have never asked for. I found AA which only helped me to realize I was an alcoholic and needed a relationship with Jesus Christ. After those two ephiphones we found a church to get to know Him better and my husband and I each accepted Christ one week after the other...me accepting Him into my heart with my mommy by my side in California at her church and Robbe accepting in our church the week we returned with our pastor. My probation officer is this amazing Christian woman that was more excited than we were... if that was possible. I know that if we had met by any other means, we would have been friends. I can say that now because I know what it is like to be a friend and know that I have changed enough to think she would want to spend time with me...in any place other than a bar; and there weren't alot of opportunities in my old life to do anything outside of a bar.
I prayed this prayer of Jabez every day; I still do. "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." I remember my probation officer telling me to be careful with that prayer because it was so powerful and He was capable of anything. (Kinda like a "be careful what you wish for" reference). Yet... I continued to pray this prayer in hopes that He would use me for His glory; desperate to do His will and not even sure what that would mean. And then it happened.
We decided to move to a town we knew nothing about, an hour from where we were living. Neither my husband or myself were working, we had no friends or family in the area, but we somehow knew that in order to expand those territories, we had to be willing to do some of the footwork. We found a great condo that was just 1,800sq feet instead of a house too large for us at 3,500sq feet. Expand our territories but shrink our living space by half? Yep... By shrinking our living space, we shrunk all of our bills. God's way of telling us to stop living and paying for things we didn't want or need, or even use? Yeah...that's the way we took it too. Then we noticed this big building across the street and wondered what it was. When we learned it was a church we scoffed and thought "Who would want to go to a church that size? Wouldn't you just be a number and not really know anyone? How could you?" Lo and behold we answered that question the very next week. Who would want to go to a church that size? We would. Wouldn't you just be a number and not really know anyone? Absolutely not. The church is as big as you make it....we got involved in Small Groups, Bible Studies, Wednesday night recovery programs, Women's Ministry, Prison Ministry, and volunteering to help with building facilities (I get to vaccuum twice a week) and my husband is now on the Prop Building Team for the amazing stage props used throughout each of the four services. We know more people being a part of a congregation that is 25,000 strong than we ever knew at our last church of just 250. And having just one thing in common with these people has been THE biggest benefit in realizing true friendships.
I never had friends before and I never even had people I considered friends in bars if they didn't dress like me, act like me or drink like me. The only thing we had in common was alcohol; and you saw where that got me. Now...the one thing I have in common with the men and women we have met at church is Christ. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24. I had many companions and there was no "may" about it...my life did come to ruin. I don't blame God for what I went through but now embrace it knowing it was just Him authoring the story of my life. He saw in me what I did not see in myself...the gifts of Evangelism and Creative Communication. A Cheerleader for Christ and doing it in creative ways. "Yes, Lord...pick me."
These friends I have now are my gifts from Him. I thought the biggest and best gift I could receive from Him was the one I already received; the gift of grace. Yet he continues to think I am worthy of more and with each woman that crosses my path and becomes a friend, a true friend, I cherish as I did the first gift I received from Him. With every ministry I join, every bible study or small group I attend, and every volunteer opportunity I take...He has given me these amazing women. I go to a church of 25,000 members yet sit next to the same woman every day for a month only to have her be a fabulous new friend on Facebook? Yep. That happened. I sit in a room of ten women for a bible study thinking I have nothing to offer as a new Christian and even after "outing" my story to them in the second week...they still want to call me friend? Yep. That happened. The staff of a church that size, as busy as they are, day to day... make a point of saying hello to my husband and I by name when they see us in the lobby. Does that happen? Could that happen? Yep. That happens every time we come in; not just Sundays.
A British Publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers mailed in, the top five were:
5) "One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."
4) "One who understands our silence."
3) "A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."
2) "A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."
The winning definition simply read:
1) "A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
David and Jonathan perfectly fit these definitions of a true friend that Jonathan had become "one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself," and the two made a covenant of friendship (1 Samuel 18:13). When Samuel anointed David to succeed Jonathan's father as King, Saul erupted in unbridled anger and forced David from the land. But Jonathan swore loyalty to God's chosen heir to the throne. David and Jonathan's deep friendship was based not on family ties or warm, fuzzy feelings; they were bound by dedication to God and steadfast commitment to one another. Rather than being jealous of David for usurping his potential place as king, Jonathan accepted God's plan to make David king, sacrificially stepping down and supporting his friend.Let's face it... no one ever accused me of being a good friend. I never did anything for anyone that didn't directly benefit me and I rarely saw anyone outside of the bar environment. It occurred to me after receiving my second DUI that I didn't even have one telephone number of a "friend" from any bar that we frequented. It wasn't long before I had this epiphone that no one was missing me from the bar and had no way to find me if they were.
When I stopped drinking I wondered what kind of person I was going to be. "How much fun can I be if I'm not drinking?" In fact, I often told others around me that very thing; "Why would we want to hang out with you if you don't drink. Clearly you can't have as much fun as we do when we are tipsy and you are just watching from the sidelines." Yeah... I said that out loud and am mortified at the brazen conceit I had even when sober; to think I was so much better (and more fun) than others simply because I drank everywhere I went. Who was I kidding? I wasn't the "friend". I was the DJs wife that bought rounds for people if you hung around long enough. People didn't flock to me as I once thought....but to my pocketbook.
No. No one accused me of being a good friend and I realized, with all of my newly created free time, that I couldn't remember the last time I had a friend. In high school I ran cross country and track and had a few people I hung out with from the teams, but no real friends. I graduated high school early and went to college; joined a couple of clubs hoping to make friends but because I was younger than most of the freshman, and no matter what I did people didn't want to hang out with the "kid." Even though I graduated high school early, I still went back in June to walk across stage with my classmates. Mom paid for the Grad Night package and I went to Disneyland with 300 of my closest "friends." There were different cliques but I didn't have one that I belonged to so I would walk and ride the rides with one group and feel awkward after a while and drift into another one...floating from one clique to another and "clicking" with none. They knew me; I knew them because I grew up in a small town and we had gone to school together forever but I don't have one memory of a friendship to rekindle via Facebook some 25years later. Sure... there are a number of people that remember me and have added me as a "Friend" but after the initial catching up, we learn we have nothing in common and the pleasantries continue by checking in once in a while.
When I went into the Army I was quite the popular girl but not with other girls my age; seemingly all competing for the same attention in between doing our jobs for our country. We stuck to ourselves during the week and on weekends it was all about finding the guy to rescue us and making longlasting friends with each other was not on the list of priorities. No friends to reconnect with after high school, college, or the military. I was great with names and faces and could easily remember many but it was doubtful that most would remember me or entertain the idea of reconnecting for more than a ten minute "catch up" conversation online.
It's not easy to admit that I wasn't capable of friendship or even had it to offer. I even tried to befriend a coworker once and even though we tried to hang out outside of work, there was something lacking. I can't remember the exact circumstance but she told me in our last conversation, peering over a 3ft cubicle wall..."You are a very hard person to get along with and I doubt you will ever find a woman willing to work to be your friend." Wow... I wish I could remember what drove her to say something so spiteful but in hindsight; I guess the specifics don't matter and the fact that she said it was pivotal enough. I was better just being the DJs wife and being the life of the party in a bar and not trying to pretend to be a friend in the "real world." The sad thing.... either it didn't bother me that my friendships were topical and "bar only" or I just gave up and told myself that the life I had was all there was for me.
But then.... a funny thing happened on the way to "real life." I got a DUI. What once seemed the most horrible of incidences has become a turning point to the life I know Christ has always wanted for me; one I didn't feel I deserved and would have never asked for. I found AA which only helped me to realize I was an alcoholic and needed a relationship with Jesus Christ. After those two ephiphones we found a church to get to know Him better and my husband and I each accepted Christ one week after the other...me accepting Him into my heart with my mommy by my side in California at her church and Robbe accepting in our church the week we returned with our pastor. My probation officer is this amazing Christian woman that was more excited than we were... if that was possible. I know that if we had met by any other means, we would have been friends. I can say that now because I know what it is like to be a friend and know that I have changed enough to think she would want to spend time with me...in any place other than a bar; and there weren't alot of opportunities in my old life to do anything outside of a bar.
I prayed this prayer of Jabez every day; I still do. "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." I remember my probation officer telling me to be careful with that prayer because it was so powerful and He was capable of anything. (Kinda like a "be careful what you wish for" reference). Yet... I continued to pray this prayer in hopes that He would use me for His glory; desperate to do His will and not even sure what that would mean. And then it happened.
We decided to move to a town we knew nothing about, an hour from where we were living. Neither my husband or myself were working, we had no friends or family in the area, but we somehow knew that in order to expand those territories, we had to be willing to do some of the footwork. We found a great condo that was just 1,800sq feet instead of a house too large for us at 3,500sq feet. Expand our territories but shrink our living space by half? Yep... By shrinking our living space, we shrunk all of our bills. God's way of telling us to stop living and paying for things we didn't want or need, or even use? Yeah...that's the way we took it too. Then we noticed this big building across the street and wondered what it was. When we learned it was a church we scoffed and thought "Who would want to go to a church that size? Wouldn't you just be a number and not really know anyone? How could you?" Lo and behold we answered that question the very next week. Who would want to go to a church that size? We would. Wouldn't you just be a number and not really know anyone? Absolutely not. The church is as big as you make it....we got involved in Small Groups, Bible Studies, Wednesday night recovery programs, Women's Ministry, Prison Ministry, and volunteering to help with building facilities (I get to vaccuum twice a week) and my husband is now on the Prop Building Team for the amazing stage props used throughout each of the four services. We know more people being a part of a congregation that is 25,000 strong than we ever knew at our last church of just 250. And having just one thing in common with these people has been THE biggest benefit in realizing true friendships.
I never had friends before and I never even had people I considered friends in bars if they didn't dress like me, act like me or drink like me. The only thing we had in common was alcohol; and you saw where that got me. Now...the one thing I have in common with the men and women we have met at church is Christ. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24. I had many companions and there was no "may" about it...my life did come to ruin. I don't blame God for what I went through but now embrace it knowing it was just Him authoring the story of my life. He saw in me what I did not see in myself...the gifts of Evangelism and Creative Communication. A Cheerleader for Christ and doing it in creative ways. "Yes, Lord...pick me."
These friends I have now are my gifts from Him. I thought the biggest and best gift I could receive from Him was the one I already received; the gift of grace. Yet he continues to think I am worthy of more and with each woman that crosses my path and becomes a friend, a true friend, I cherish as I did the first gift I received from Him. With every ministry I join, every bible study or small group I attend, and every volunteer opportunity I take...He has given me these amazing women. I go to a church of 25,000 members yet sit next to the same woman every day for a month only to have her be a fabulous new friend on Facebook? Yep. That happened. I sit in a room of ten women for a bible study thinking I have nothing to offer as a new Christian and even after "outing" my story to them in the second week...they still want to call me friend? Yep. That happened. The staff of a church that size, as busy as they are, day to day... make a point of saying hello to my husband and I by name when they see us in the lobby. Does that happen? Could that happen? Yep. That happens every time we come in; not just Sundays.
A British Publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers mailed in, the top five were:
5) "One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."
4) "One who understands our silence."
3) "A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."
2) "A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."
The winning definition simply read:
1) "A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
God has given me friendships in the past two months that I never even knew were possible. The women from my bible study, the friend I have made in a sea of thousands just by going to church each Sunday, the staff member that heard my story and asked me to share with others that could benefit from what He has done through me, the woman that doesn't even go to our church but showed up for a special group that gathers on Wednesdays....she just happened upon.
"Lord Jesus, thank You for the friendships I have. Thank you that we can meet together to worship and praise You and bring our requests to You. Let us dwell in your presence, for it is there we find light and life....Amen."
So.... to further prove that this blog isn't the epitome of perfection I would like it to be prior to posting my first entry; it's Saturday and I am writing for Women of Faith Wednesday. Case and point.